Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) for Couples
What if all of your emotions were treated as valid, as arrows pointing to your needs? EFT is a process of emotional awareness and change.
What if you viewed maladaptive emotional reactions to issues as attempts at connection? Through EFT, the relationship itself can become connected vs disconnected or strained.
More about EFT:
EFT is founded on a close and careful analysis of the meanings and contributions of emotion to human experience.
EFT can benefit couples who are struggling with conflict, distress, and poor communication.
EFT can also be a powerful approach for couples dealing with trauma, both recently and in the past.
EFT Results:
A 2019 systematic review found that EFT was an effective treatment for improving marital satisfaction.
The recovery was also quite lasting, with little evidence of a relapse back into distress.
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Attachment
Attachment forms at birth and can dictate how safe we feel in the world, and therefore our reaction to relational issues that we have with our partners as well. We replay our early attachments in our current relationships until we become aware of them and actively work to heal them. Examples of maladaptive attachment are avoidant attachment and anxious attachment. Often in a relationship, we will see one partner who withdraws and one partner who needs to come closer due to anxiety over withdrawal. EFT can help us identify these patterns and view them as an issue within the relationship itself instead of with the person. Through an EFT approach to couple's therapy, we can help the relationship itself find another way.
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Communication
When we are trying to communicate we are often trying to persuade. We want others and most importantly our partners to see our view, and feel understood. That doesn't have to mean 'agreement' but there's a lot of power in understanding and empathy. Rules are simple, putting them into action is extremely difficult and takes lots of practice. Through EFT, we help couple's learn the emotional landscape of communication so we can understand what the other is communicating.
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Emotions
Our emotions are our primary means of communication. For example, Fear sets in motion a fear processing mechanism that searches for danger, sadness informs us of loss, and anger informs us of violation. The focus of EFT is on people’s emotions as a primary pathway to change. Emotions are seen as governing the most important aspects of our lives. They are signals of events that affect our deepest concerns and our most important relationships. They keep us connected, energized, loving, and interested.
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Acceptance
No emotions are bad emotions, and clients are encouraged to accept themselves as they are. Through acceptance of ourselves and our emotions, we can begin to unravel some of the more complicated and deep emotions that are layered beneath each other. Through this unraveling, we choose acceptance of each step, and love toward ourselves and our partners as we do the hard work of healing. EFT places acceptance at the forefront of the therapeutic work.
Why EFT?
Simply put, the more aware you are of your emotions, and the more you understand your motivations and reasons for your emotions, the easier it is to change.